I am getting paranoid more and more easily.
Dunno what is the thing that I am vexing about.
Hopefully my mind can be calmed down soon.
I watched too much entertainment show.
I shoudl stop watching and concentrate on my work.

Well,I am back to this blog.
Somewhere that nobody can access except me.
I have idea why I am so vexed.
Vexed over my friends who don't even care about this friendship?
Vexed over my study which seems lead me to nowhere?
Vexed over my prolonged loneliness?
All sorts of things are making me vexed.

I cannot concentrate.
I cannot do anything properly.
How do I get rid of this vexing mood?
Why cannot I just be happy?
As happy as I used to be.

I am such a loser.
Despite the fact that I am trying hard to get myself motivated,
I failed.
I need somone.
Someone who can understand me and connect to me.
Maybe I am really an alien,
that's why I cannot find that person yet.

I seriouly think depression is back to me again.
I cannot help to think negatively.
I never recover fully.
It's just that I am trying hard to hide it from everyone else.

All those things have stuck me really hard.
It makes so hard for me to trust people.
I hate hurting.
I hate being hurt.
I am always the one who gets hurt.
And the culprit runs away freely.

Time heals.
If time really heals,why can't I forget about everything?
Especially that thing.
It is still vividly in my mind.
Flash back more and more frequent.

Now people are seeing the dark side of me.
I hate that.
But that's just the real me.
Do u think I dun want to live my life freely?
Do u think I want to be alone?
I don't want,
but it's just nobody want me.

I am such a loner.
Fighting with depression isn't easy.
I cannot take another drastic blow with my fragile heart and soul.

My worst presentation ever..

I am not a good web designer.
I tried so hard to complete this web page all by myself,
yet it is so sucky.
Today is the worst presentation that i ever have.
First time that i dunno what to do.
First time that i hate for being in front and presenting.
I thought that i did a good job.
My ability is limited.
I am not superman.
What can i do and how much i can is limited.
I need other people's help as well.
Project is meant to be a team work.
Why can't others take up initiative to do?
We are all adults, don't need people to teach exactly what to do.
Bloody hell.I am bloody pisssed.
Going to k box is one thing that enjoys doing,
but going someone unpleasant will make it so unpleasant.
If you don't want to go, just don''t go.Stop grumble so much.

终于有人经常看我的Blog了，
我该开心嘛?
不知道，
现在讲的话要负责，
不能随心所欲。
好多功课，
我根本就不能应付。
有开始想逃，
我就是个coward,
一有事就像逃。
sylvester很奇怪，
我真的不明白他心里在想什么。
我们算是好朋友吗？
不知道，他的态度让我越来越不了解。
今天他好像真的要跟我吵架。
我是个需要安全感的女生，
朋友，就要表现出来，
这样我才不回胡斯乱想。
家里的事情有一堆，
我要疯了。
真的要疯了才满意嘛？

生活

生活是苦的，
特别是我的。
刚刚看了几个朋友的BLOG，原来别人的生活也是一样。
但是他们别我好的一点就是可以表达感情，
有人来倾听。
但是我却没有。
我怎么了？
变得一点都不象我。
那个我呢？
不见了吗？

好像爱，
却找不到爱。


I am pearl.
No matter where i am,
i am destined to shine

矛盾

很矛盾。
真的很矛盾。
越来越不喜欢讲话，
什么都埋在心里。
这就是我。
喜欢看爱情零度C，
更喜欢伟翔这个角色。
什么事都埋在心里，
更我真的很像。
有时候，真的对自己失去信心。
我美吗？
我够厉害吗？
我能成功吗？
我能找到爱情吗？
看了太多厉害的人，漂亮的人，
多才多艺的人，我才真的认识到自己的渺小。
原来，我真的不值得任何人的关心。
也许以后的我会去出家，
当个尼姑。
可是我的神不是佛，
我就是我的神。
从不能为了快乐就放弃自己。
也许我会在30岁的时候退休，
隐居埋名，
到泰国的小村子住下。
但是我放得下未完成的梦吗？
我是喜欢平静，
乡下的生活是我的憧憬。
但是一个人的日子毕竟是孤单的。

熟悉的HOUGANG MALL也装修过了。
以前的感觉也不在。
其实，过了这么久，那段日子还是我最怀念的。
我还是一样的喜欢听老歌，
特别是YESTERDAY ONCE MORE。